Forward Motion

So, it's been almost two months since I found out about the moment. At first we seemed to make some quick steps forward but then it was many steps backward. Now here we stand. I'm still just as determined to fight for my marriage- still just as determined to be the woman God created me to be.

We seem to have made a little more progress. I say we, but I really mean my husband. Finally, he has conquered one of the most difficult steps to healing our marriage. To say that I am proud of him would be lying, because it was more of a forced step- not by me but by another person. However, I am thankful that this door has closed in his life. I know it is for the best for all involved.

This has been one of the most difficult places to walk, one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. And yet, it has surpassed many others in rewards and blessings. How can this be? Out of this time of trial and tribulation- a new me was birthed. Not a fragile, broken, cynical me- but a woman of strength, peace, and fortitude. The woman that God created me to be before the foundations of the earth. What a thought! I am more convinced now that I am walking in the will of God than I ever was before. The person that I am being molded into is someone I never foresaw myself being. She is someone beautiful, valuable, whole, and precious to God, friends, and family. She is hopeful, intelligent, compassionate, and friendly. When I get up in the morning and stare at my reflection, I see someone new.

Forward motion isn't always about visible progress. Sometimes, it happens in the reccesses of the heart where no one but God can see. I am learning to trust that even though I cannot often visibly see the changes taking place in my husband yet, that God is indeed working. He changes us from the inside out. When the heart changes, the rest of us is able to follow as well.

So I step forward, into this little ray of sunlight, thanking God and holding onto hope that more sunlight is on it's way.