Lessons Learned

Through this battle for my marriage, which really took on a new dimension about two months ago, I have learned many lessons- often difficult ones. I share them now hoping they will somehow help another woman or man on this difficult but rewarding road of reclaiming their marriage back from the hands of the enemy.

I have learned that God is constant. Everything else in my life can change in a moment but God is faithful and true. He can strip away my husband, my children, my income, my friends, my family, and everything else. If I have God, I will be okay.

I have learned the power of godly love. There were times when I could have lost it, blown up over the situation or crumbled under the heartbreak but instead made the decision to love- even when in return I would be slapped (figuratively speaking) in the face for making the right choice. Choosing love doesn't mean the other person is right, it means you are choosing to do things God's way and God loves them and so you choose to react in love and kindness rather than in the flesh.

I have learned the power of just shutting up. The first six weeks I probably spent most of the time TALKING about the situation. Talking about how to fix it, talking to my husband about what he needed to do and had to do, talking to God about how much this has hurt me. On Thursday this week at my women's Bible study I committed to getting out of God's way and letting God do what He needed to do in my husband. I committed to continue praying with my husband but to not speak of the situation unless my husband brought it up or unless God specifically gave me something to say. Twenty four to forty-eight hours later my husband sent me an email (since he was out of state) telling me he was ready to do whatever it takes to fight for our marriage and get things right, and that he was tired of letting the enemy win. The fight isn't over yet- but God accomplished more in those two days than I or anyone else had in 6 weeks. Which brings me to my next point.

I've learned that only God speaks my husband's language. No, I'm not talking about love languages here- although knowing those are beneficial to a marriage. I'm talking actual heart-to-heart language. You see, God speaks to each of us uniquely and all my talking to my husband, trying to encourage him to do the right thing, trying to help him understand what so many people were asking of him and why they were asking those things, never got through to him. But the moment I began to understand that God is the only one who can speak into his heart in that way and let loose the controls, things began to change a little at a time.

I've learned that living in freedom is a daily walk. Each morning we get up and must put on the armor of God and claim our freedom in Christ. Neglecting to do this is going into battle without any weapons- we will be defeated in a matter of moments. We must arm ourselves for the spiritual battle just as well as we would arm ourselves for a physical battle.

I've learned that I am NOT my circumstances, NOT my problems, NOT my husband's problems, and NOT my wounds. I am someone entirely beautiful and beloved of God. I am His daughter. I am strong in ways I never saw, and beautiful in ways that only God can see. He cherishes me and finds value in me. Who I am, is not a settled question. But my identity is first as a daughter of God, and second as the person God created me to be- whoever she is. Beyond that I am a GOOD mother, a GOOD wife, and a GOOD friend. God is slowly revealing my person, but it is taking time and my personality seems to be taking shape as I walk in my God-given freedom and in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I've learned that even in a bleak reality, God grants hope. My circumstances don't own me. Even when the world is crumbling, I can have confidence that God is in control, that He can work things out for my good and His glory, and that I can look forward to the future. The clouds won't always be gray. The sun won't always be hidden.

I've learned the importance of having one or two godly women in my life who can provide support, encouragement, and wisdom and speak into my life. Women who pray with me and hold me accountable for my own issues. I am thankful for these women in my life and cherish the relationships that are developing there.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I'm sure I will have more as I continue on this journey to reclaim my marriage alongside my husband. God is good and He desires His best for us. He doesn't do anything half way!