Monday, July 27, 2009

Monday Madness

One of the most embarrassing things I have to endure as a mother, is public misbehavior from my children. It is absolutely mortifying to me to watch two precious children who I pour so much time and energy into act out in such a disrespectful way. It is contrary to all I have worked so hard to instill within them. At times like this I feel as if the whole world is watching me to see how I will react to their inappropriate whims. Being under such scrutiny undoes my composure and I often get to the car just moments before the floodgates open. Today was one such event.

We had gone to play at the local Chick-fil-a. Summers are hot here but that does not satisfy the ravenous energy of toddlers and preschoolers; so we find places to play inside. This is one of our favorites. I sat on the floor of the play area with my pen and paper in hand but got little writing accomplished between shepherding my own two sheep and all the others as well. We managed to make it out of the play area and get our food without much fanfare or struggle but the moment we sat down everything fell apart.

Food was knocked off the table, on accident of course. My nearly-two-year-old grabbed my open packet of dressing and proceeds to swing it around. Milky white substance splatters onto the seat, the table, her clothes, and my glasses. Lovely. Quickly I grab the packet and wipe away the offensive material, only for her to grab my drink and topple that on the table as well. Now granted, this is just normal curiosity for this age and I wasn't much taken aback by it- just frustrated. My four-year-old decides to add to the chaos by having a tantrum about not being hungry. This does bother me as I battle with her about food all of the time. I cannot tell you the amount of money I have wasted because she said she was hungry. So I calmly reply that if she doesn't want to eat that is her choice but she may not go back and play. Being four, she loves to test my patience and my resolve and a battle of wills ensued. The couple behind me kept looking at my child and they must have thought I was the must unrelenting mother on the planet. I, however, know the importance of meaning what is said and saying what is meant becase I grew up in a home where neither occurred. After about five minutes of my daughters antics and trying desperately to keep up with the toddler while battling with the other, I decided to ditch my lunch and any other afternoon plans. I barely managed to corral the children and get them into the minivan before the tears exploded from my eyes.

This single parenting thing just isn't for me. It's not really any different when he is here, but at least having his support gives me illusion that I am not alone. That is enough to help me forge ahead most days. Left on my own to rear these little people, I am burnt out, overworked, underappreciated, and anxious. I need a mommy vacation. We're home now and I've put the girls in their rooms. Shortly I will have to load them back into the minivan and plow ahead through the afternoon of babysitting an autistic child while trying to keep my two under control. It's been a rough mornings and I'm praying the gloomy sky isn't forshadowing what the afternoon will be like. I'm not sure how much more I can take and it's only Monday.

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