For some reason I could not sleep in this morning. So as my husband found his way to the bathroom, I laid awake in bed and a thought came to my mind- or perhaps God spoke to my heart- to get up and read and pray. Now I must confess that I have not truly done this in probably half a year. My life has spun out of control and I have been up to this moment content to watch it, hang on for all I'm worth, and hopefully survive.
Anyway, so I got up this morning out of my bed and went into the living room to pull out my Bible. I crawled back in bed with it, a pen and a notebook. My Bible dropped open to Isaiah 9 and I read starting in verse 8 through to the end of chapter 11.
What was it about? God stretched out His hand against rebellious Israel, a hand of righteous anger. They had been trusting in other things rather than in Him. Sound familiar? It does to me. He let nations come against His people. But He did not do so without knowing the outcome, the remnant remained and turned back to Him and never again depended on him who had defeated them, but instead depended upon the Lord God of Israel.
I can see the parallel clearly as I sit and write this post. Like Israel, I had put my mind and trust on things other than God. And God set His hand against the things around my life for a time, to bring me back to Him. He knew that this would happen, that I would be sitting here writing this from deep within, grasping on the one breath of air that has made it's way into this lifeless existence- without Him there is no life or breath, no being.
And so, He let my world spiral knowing that the end result would be me on my knees before Him, seeking Him and putting my trust in Him again. And I cling to this, that the remnant of Israel which remained was USEFUL. Even after all the nations had risen against them, the remnant was USEFUL and VALUABLE TO GOD- a precious stone of great price in His eyes, His beloved, His child.
Am I of worth and value as well? Apart from Him I am nothing, but with Him and through Him I am His child, His beloved, His created. He sought after me when I was hard of heart and He pursued me when I was straying from the flock. He left the ninety-nine to find me and bring me back into the safety of the fold. I'd say that would make me worth something to Him. And I'm betting it makes you worth something to Him as well.
Our God is faithful even when we are unfaithful for He cannot disown Himself. His love is unconditional and His mercy is new each morning. I'm humbled to think that God would allow me to go through so many things in these last six months, knowing full-well that they would bring me here. Because He saw all the pain, heartache, despair, all the muck and mire I would face to get here. And STILL, still He said- It's worth it to me to bring her back. And He endured a great deal of my shaking my fist and slamming doors in His face to do so.
Thank You God that You are constant and true, steady in all things. For your mercy and grace which seem boundless. For Your love which is unconditional and for seeking after me even when I didn't want to be found. You do not force Yourself upon anyone, but You stay knocking. Thank You for knocking long and hard enough that I finally heard You in the midst of my circumstances and let You come in and help me out of this mess. If there is anyone reading this Lord, who sees themselves in this place- let them cry out to You and put their trust in You again, knowing that You are forever faithful. You desire our best and You give us Yours. Thank You for loving us beyond where we are. Amen
