My Faith Story

Before I came to the Lord I was a lost confused pre-teen. I'd grown up in chaos and dysfunction most of my life. I tried to take my own life at the age of 12 and was put in foster care (after a stent in a mental hospital) with Christian foster parents who eventually led me to the Lord. I had the problems and God had the answers. He offered me peace (like none I had ever known) and love (that was unconditional) and I accepted it. That was almost 10 years ago. Today I am a whole, peaceful, joyful person. Because of what Christ has done for me and in my life, I can now wake up in the morning and be thankful for a new day, not fearful of it.

When the Rain Falls

There are times in life when a little rain falls. Our only choice is what we make of the wet ground and the dreary skies. We are only held accountable for how we react to the storm. A little rain fell on me recently, and I had the opportunity to grow, to be refreshed and to enjoy the cleansing.

Cycle 12, cd 5

So, I've decided to temp this cycle. I need to know where things are going. Wish me well!! Sigh!

Cycle 12, Day 1

Well, I've officially had a years worth of cycles since my pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I'm quite heartbroken that I've not gotten pregnant since then. I keep praying that it happens before Christmas. I cannot imagine how hard this year will be if I don't havesomething to look forward to this year. Last year at Christmas time I was in the middle of my miscarriage and then this year we lost Pawpaw. Too much sadness. Hoping this new cycle brings me lots of joy. Thanks for caring.

Cycle 11- Possible O

Well, I think I o'd this month! Only time will tell. I am cd 25, and 7 dpo. My test date is October 28th. We'll see.....

PawPaw Passed Away

Pawpaw went to be with the Lord. His funeral was held on Friday Sept. 29th. Many loving tributes were made. We'll miss you.

Cycle 10 Cut Short

Onto a new cycle. I think this last one was annovulatory. Hoping the next one brings lots of good things!

Luca "Lazy Legz" Patuelli on the Today Show

Did anyone else see the inspiring story of Luca? He was born with a disorder that inhibited his bone structure and muscular growth but has turned it around to use to share with other children and adults suffering from physical handicaps! He uses his handicap to his advantage and has become an amazing break dancer. He competes around the US and Canada, using even his crutches in his dance routines. Thanks to "Today" for allowing this man a chance to speak up and share!

PawPaw Back in the Hospital

Well it looks like things are getting worse in South Carolina. Evan's grandpa went back into the hospital not even 2 days after we left. I've tried to call his grandma to find out what is going on but haven't gotten a return phone call yet. All prayers are appreciated.

Just Waiting- CD 14

Well, I'm just about in the middle of my cycle and waiting for the O Fairy. She usually visits some time between cd 16 and 22. I hate the long wait. It seems like forever this month. The days are just crawling by so slowly.

I don't know if we will ever have another baby. It seems to me that my body just isn't working like it used to. And maybe it just isn't the right time. Anymore, I don't have the answers.

Of course while we were visiting in Rock Hill this past weekend, the question did come up of when we would have another baby. I hate that question! One, it's not really their business and two if we knew we wouldn't be "trying" now would we? We'd just wait for the right time and "bam" we'd be pregnant! It just doesn't work that way...

But, I know they just are just being themselves and love us. And maybe in their hearts, they want another great grandbaby too! The rest of Evan's cousins have decided they are happy with one-child families. So the burden falls to us! LOL! What fun we are going to have?!

Bitter Sweet

We got back from our trip to Rock Hill late last night. It really was a nice weekend. We had the opportunity to see most of my husband's family and friends. And to just relax a while too. Hailey was the life of the party. Everyone wanted to hold and play with her. Which means I got a much needed break. Hubby even volunteered to change diapers all weekend. It was nice!

Pawpaw had a nice birthday party. Over 70 people were there. He got to see old friends, distant relatives, close family and all his great grandchildren! We all know that was his favorite part. You could see his smile each time the great grandchildren would walk by or smile at him. We all know he had a nice time. And good thing, because it sadly may be his last.

Unfortunately Pawpaw is getting old. And with age comes health problems. Pawpaw has congestive heart failure and has had several heart attacks since April. He isn't the same towering man he was once. But he is still the beloved Patriarch of the family. It will be a very sad day when he leaves this world, but we know he will leave it better than he found it.

My prayer today is that he goes peacefully, without too much pain or suffering. He's lived 92 years and I think if it weren't for his heart he would live 92 more. But alas, good people have to go too. God calls us all home eventually. I was blessed to have been able to share memories over the last 4 years with this delightful and charming man. And my daughter was blessed to have been born while he could still enjoy her. We will miss him dearly. But he will live on in our hearts. May God give comfort to all of us on the day when he finally goes home to be with his Lord.

I know I'm not related to monkeys...

But maybe my daugther is!! LOL! Girl is EVERYWHERE! Last night she climbed onto the couch, and then onto the side table and was jumping from the sidetable (which is completely against the couch) onto the couch and laughing her head off!! It was SOOO cute. Tonight she is climbing onto any surface she can reach (just pray she doesn't try to jump!) At least the girl knows how to entertain herself! Hahaha! Being a mom sure is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Suspense is Killing Me!!

UPDATE: We've been disqualified... and we're heartbroken!

We've been waiting all day long to hear what the RO (recruiting officer) found out about Evan's criminal background check. He has a few charges (that were dismissed) a several years ago for minor things. And we are waiting to hear if he can still go to MEPS or if he is disqualified. We THINK they count convictions (which are different from charges) and if so then we are in the clear. You would think that the fact that they are nearly 10 years ago would count for something. But she has to talk to her officer and make sure first. Prayers that what seems like an obstacle right now is rather another door God is opening would be great. Thanks!

Marriage Means Supporting One Another

I have learned so much over the last several weeks. Some of you may know that my husband and I are going through some career and life changes. Well, since this all started I have learned:

1. To trust God even when I can't see the outcome.


2. To be confident that God speaks to my husband as well as me.


3. To seek Godly counsel in tough times.


4. To act on what we believe is the will of God, and pray that if it isn't the will of God that He will close the wrong doors and open the right ones.


5. To have faith in all situations.


6. To allow hard times to bring me closer to God and to my husband, not further from them.


7. If I don't know what to do, stand still and pray.

My husband meets with his Navy recruiter tonight. They are going over the final paperwork and making hotel and meal arrangements for his trip to Raleigh this coming week. Monday and Tuesday next week Evan will be going to MEPS for enlistment in the United States Navy.

It's hard to believe that we are already at this crossroad. Almost a year ago we began praying about this and now we are looking back, seeing God's hand opening doors and making a path for us to follow. I'm sure you can imagine the excitement we feel standing here looking back.

But, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I have some reservations. I'm worried about how I will handle my husband being away for basic training, on a tour of duty, in Navy School. But I know that God has lead us here and will lead us through any trials we may face. I'm faithful that this will bring us closer to Him and closer to each other.

I've also learned that marriage means supporting one another. It requires give and take. There are so many opportunities in our marriages where we can either build our spouse up or tear our spouse down. It's not always easy. It would have been much easier to tell my husband I didn't support him in this. But I know that God wants me to be supportive, even when it means sacrificing a bit of my own comfortable ways, my own stability, my own fears so that he can experience an amazing blessing. By being obedient to God in this, I am allowing God to bless my husband, myself, and my family. And what good wife doesn't want that?!

Cycle 9, Day 9

So this is day nine of a new cycle. A rather weird cycle, if I might add. I've been pretty crampy the last few days and my back has been sore. Also been exhausted all day long.

Maybe it's just stress or working too much. We'll see what happens. God is always in control, even when our lives appear out of control.

I've learned so much these last few months. Growing closer to God through my trials. I've learned to depend more on Him and less on everyone else. And I've come to realize that as great as friends are, there are times in life that you have to go alone. Those are the times we grow the most. But they are also the times when we feel the most lonely. I have some of these times coming.

This weekend we are going to South Carolina as I mentioned in a previous entry. We are going to spend Saturday and Sunday with my husband's grandfather. He has congenital heart failure and may not be around much longer. Last night we went shopping for a gift for his special day. He will be 93 years old. We are getting him a large print Bible with his name engraved on it. Our hope and prayer is that he will spend this year growing closer to God. Pawpaw is a great man and I am so happy that he has had an opportunity to watch his grandchildren grow up and have their own kids. And I am grateful that he has had a chance to meet Hailey, our daughter. Praying often for my husband and father-in-law during this time. It isn't easy on any of us, but I know it's even harder on them. God will get us all through this just like He always has. One thing is for sure, we serve an amazing and faithful God :)

A Little Discouraged

Well, I've been thinking lots lately. I LOVE my little daughter so much. She just is so precious to me. But each time the big red hen sings, I find myself crushed that we won't have another little one joining our family in the near future. I guess I should just learn to be grateful for what I do have and stop pining for what I don't. But how do you "get over it?"

I know the Lord has other children in His plans for our family but I just can't help but want to know when. I need to think of a more productive way to spend the time between before I lose it. I don't ever want my daughter to feel like I spent all my time wishing for another baby and neglecting her. So I'm going to spend less time here and more time with my family. And Lord, I'm waiting with open arms for Your perfect timing.

Cycle Number 9?

We are on to a new cycle! That means a new start. This weekend we are going out of town to spend time with Evan's family in South Carolina. Really looking forward to it :) Hope everyone has a great week!

Where the Road Leads?

In essence, my journey started long before I ever found other women trying to conceive, or even before I got married. It started when I was a little girl myself, dreaming of the day when I would have a real live baby to hold and love much like I did with my baby dolls. The Lord planted in my heart a nurturing and patient spirit that would benefit me in more ways than just motherhood.

In June 2004 I married the love of my life. We both knew we wanted a family, but we never knew that God would bring our daughter into our lives so quickly after we got married. In October I found out I was pregnant. Wow!

Our whole lives changed as a result of that day.We are now the proud parents of a jubilant and sweet 15 month old little girl; Hailey Marie. She means so much to us and our lives are much richer, much more meaningful because of God gifting her to us. And that's exactly what she is, a precious gift from the Lord.

When Hailey was 6 months old we conceived again but the Lord chose to take that baby home to heaven. I look forward to meeting my little angel one day. Recently my would have been due date passed by and I've come much closer to realizing why God took that little one home, even if I will never understand it all. I guess that's what healing really is about. Learning to accept what you can't understand.

We have been married 2 years and are faithfully waiting on the Lord for His perfect timing as to when He shall give us another child. For now, we enjoy all our moments with our daughter, completely amazed that God chose us for something as wonderful and rewarding as parenthood and for someone as beautiful as our little girl.

This is cycle 7 after our loss. Just waiting to see what the Lord has in His plans.